© 2019 by Brian Walline

vERY sTABLE EVENTS

From the desk of the Bad Decisions Turtle Burger,

Ornery autocanabalizing passion-creature / health food

Pinckney Trail Weekend: Repeditively Stupid

April 28, 2019

Somewhere northeast of town is a big pile of swamps and hills in the woods. Many of our brave and daring idiots have signed up to run around in it for miles and miles and hours and hours at a time. At what point does a turtle burger give up hope of ever witnessing a demonstration of human "intelligence"?

OLD NEWS: Woodstock Trail Weekend

September 08, 2018

You can't keep a good man/woman down, and you can't keep a BAD DECIDER from doing dumb shit. Come September 8th, BAD DECIDERS are going to do dumb shit in 13.1, 31, 50, and 100 mile increments in a place that is literally named Hell. That's called taking the Dumb Dial and turning it all the way to eleven.

UPDATE: So many idiots hecked by bees! Even more idiots hecked the course and went the wrong way for a mile! Idiots!! Heck!!!

OLD NEWS: The Marquette Trail 50: In which hubris is spelled "A-L-E-X"

August 18, 2018

As the meatier half of last year's victorious 2-man BAD DECIDER 50k relay team, Big Al is set to tackle the same kicking mule of a course solo and for nearly twice the distance. That's 50 miles up things with names like Top of the World and Hogback and Sugarloaf. As ever, Alex, find a volcano and plug it with your stupidity.

UPDATE: Alex managed to anger the hymenoptera gods and was smote by a pre-dawn yellow jacket attack. He still manged to run 30 miles. Slow clap.

Copy Of -OLD NEWS: The Sylvania Duathlon

August 05, 2018

Some BAD DECIDERS are dumber than others. Brian and Elizabeth are eager to demonstrate that they're JUST AS DUMB AS ANY OF 'EM THANK YOU VERY MUCH, by signing up for an olympic duathlon despite a lack of bicycle training which could be described as both complete and entire. To top it off, they've committed to performing this ignoble task in 90 degree heat in the humorless and honorless land known to many as Ohio. My bet is they'll get what they deserve.

UPDATE: Despite each nearly quitting in pain/rage, both idiots managed to win their age groups. Yippee.

OLD NEWS: Great Lakes Relay: A Caravan of Stupidity

July 20, 2018

If there's an idiotic race being run on a remote trail within 200 miles of Ann Arbor, you can be sure that BAD DECIDERS are going to find it, and run it, and make bad decisions all along the way. It should come as no surprise that half the damn track club is somehow running in this annual cluster cuss, which demands its participants be simultaneously fit enough to run 3 days worth of northern Michigan trail, and SOBER enough to navigate / pilot a motor vehicle... Good luck, idiots. You're going to need it.

UPDATE: Nobody died, but we did manage to destroy the tailgate of a perfectly good Ford 150. No word on how the tree fared.

OLD NEWS: Mohican 100: The Idiot League

June 16, 2018

Somewhere out there in the vast American wilds is a 200 mile wide shit stain called "Ohio." Maybe you've heard of it. Apparently, many of our BAD DECIDERS have not, because they've elected to drive down there in June to run hundreds of miles and then hopefully never come back.

Alex, Mike, Elizabeth, Frank, Brian, Brian, Chris, Scott... I'd say it was nice knowing you, but you're all so stupid that you might actually think I meant it.

Update: Mike ran 100 miles! What an idiot! Brian and Elizabeth finished a marathon... it only took them six hours of their lives and all of their dignity.

OLD NEWS: TRAIL WEEKEND

April 28, 2018

Several BAD DECIDERS will cover various distances of trail-race-like substance in Pinckney, MI at the end of April.  The boldest and the least fit among them will likely fall into a volcano and die.  The cowards will thrive.

Even more of our BAD DECIDERS will be volunteering at aid stations throughout the race course.  It's tempting to describe NOT running a trail marathon as a good decision and therefor antithetical to our mission here at BDTC.  But remember this: They're working for free.  BAD DECISION.

RACE REPORT: Walline tripped, fell down a hill, and bruised some ribs. He can't laugh without pain, but we can still laugh at his pain.

OLD NEWS: Detroit Freepress Marathon

October 14, 2017

Because the only thing more stupid than running 26.2 miles on pavement is making sure that said pavement travels both over and UNDER a river, and then you go to Canada and get zero poutine, zero donuts, zero beer, zero maple syrup, zero ice wine, and zero sexy mounty outfits, I mean wait, what?

UPDATE: So many bad deciders did this stupid thing, and it really should go without saying that so many of them failed.

OLD NEWS: Marquette Trail 50: Because Numbers is Hard

August 19, 2017

Marquette's 50k Trail Relay allows for 5 people per team, but BAD DECIDERS like Big Al and IDNC can't actually count that high and figured 2 would work just fine.... I mean, if 2 out of 5 works for Voltron, oh wait...

UPDATE: The idiots won!!!

OLD NEWS: The Battle of Waterloo, aka WHAT ARE YOU OVER-COMPENSATING FOR, TONY?!

July 23, 2017

One of our BAD DECIDERS has elected to take a million bad decisions and mash them into one big, fat, 42 mile bad decision sandwich as an excuse to make bad decisions in 3 sports at once. Some people might call this efficient.  I call it tacky.

OLD NEWS: RAGBRAI: If Good Decisions were Easy to Make, Something Something...

July 22, 2017

Bad decisions abound in July, perhaps none of them as glaringly, objectively dumb as the decision to ride a damn bike across the thoroughly stupid state of Iowa.  None-the-less, three of our BAD DECIDERS have chosen to forsake the safety of the track in favor jamming a wheeled stick up their butts for week.  Best of luck to Scott, Alex, and Walline... your decisions betray not only a lack of intelligence, but dignity as well.

OLD NEWS: Lighthouse 100: Big Al's Folly

June 10, 2017

Our largest, most in-charge-ish BAD DECIDER will attempt to bring his yearly Ultra-Completion Rating to an even 0.500 by running 50 miles of a 100 mile road race in northern Michigan..  

 

50 MILE.  ROAD.  RACE.  Find a volcano, Alex, and plug it with your stupidity.

OLD NEWS: Mohican 100: Flight of The Bellefontaine

June 17, 2017

Our most Canadian BAD DECIDER has elected to demonstrate her mastery over United States geography by traveling to perhaps the worst state in the republic in order to run 50 miles of a 100 mile trail race.  We get it, Niki, Imperial measurements are hard.

UPDATE: Two more BAD DECIDERS have decided to lick the soiled lollipop that is Ohio.  Man Bear and Boner Lad will each test their mettle in the Bellefontaine Fifty, an event that's half as classy as the used car dealership with which is shares a name.

OLD NEWS: TRAIL WEEKEND

April 29, 2017

Several BAD DECIDERS will cover various distances of trail-race-like substance in Pinckney, MI at the end of April.  The boldest and the least fit among them will likely fall into a volcano and die.  The cowards will thrive.

UPDATE: Even more of our BAD DECIDERS will be volunteering at aid stations throughout the race course.  It's tempting to describe NOT running a trail marathon as a good decision and therefor antithetical to our mission here at BDTC.  But remember this: They're working for free.  BAD DECISION.

OLD NEWS: GEORGIA DEATH RACE

April 01, 2017

Three BAD DECIDERS are entered in this colossally stupid race, in which they will probably fall into a volcano and die.  At least in their minds.  Anyway, good luck to Alex, Brian, Frank, an Chris, you magnificent bastards.

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